There Was No Hope
by Heart Full of Elves
Summary: The ship that never fully sailed. Shameless Archie x Horatio. Knowing this fandom, I think that's an adequate summary, don't you?


It was not unusual for two sailors to share a room when they were at port. In the case of Archie and Horatio, they paid for a single room because they could not afford separate ones. Well, that was the excuse. After so many hard months at sea, they needed privacy. They had two whole days to themselves before they would set sail again, and they planned to make good use of that time.

The first night they spent playing cards with sailors from other ships who were also at port. Both Archie and Horatio disapproved at each other's skill at losing a lot of money, but they kept playing late into the night. _And we wonder why we can only afford to share a room_, they both thought at various times during the night.

At long last, Archie began to yawn, and excused himself from the game. Horatio retired not long after, claiming that it had been a long day and he needed to catch up on sleep. Once in the room, they both stripped down to their breeches and climbed into bed. Horatio was the first to gasp at the coldness of the sheets.

"Shall we do the cold bed dance?" suggested Archie, shivering.

"Yes," nodded Horatio without a blink.

They then proceeded to fling their limbs about over the sheets, causing friction and producing warmth. It was a custom that both boys had, due to them growing up in cold houses and being forbidden from having the sheets warmed for then in the winter months. When they were a little warmer, they stilled, and looked at each other. Horatio drew Archie into his arms and claimed that the embrace was because with each other's body heat they would be warmer.

"Of course," said Archie, snuggling into it further, and placing one hand on Horatio's chest.

Horatio flinched, and pushed the hand away. "Your hand feels like ice!"

"I know a way to warm it up," Archie replied, trailing his hand all the way down Horatio's torso. When his hand rest at the waistband of Horatio's breeches, a mischievous look appeared in his eyes. "A very good way to warm it up," he added.

"That is an excellent way to warm it up," said Horatio, his eyes twinkling. "But make it quick; I'm tired as well as cold."

* * *

Horatio woke early, unable to curb the habit that had been beaten into him upon his signing up for the navy. A ray of sun refused to let the curtain block its path, and shone on Archie's face. _He looks like an angel_, Horatio thought. And indeed, Archie's face was golden and serene in the sunlight. When he slept, he was at peace.

Horatio could have watched him sleep for hours, beautiful and at rest, but Archie woke up and said, "Can you stop staring at me?"

"Sorry," Horatio apologised, "but I couldn't help myself."

Archie smiled, his eyes still closed. He reached across and brought Horatio's head to his shoulder. They cuddled for a time, staying still for the most part. It was the perfect way to wake up.

"You know, said Archie, "we don't have to get up all day."

"I know plenty of things we can do instead of getting up," Horatio murmured, kissing Archie's neck and then nibbling his ear.

Archie sighed in complete pleasure. What a wonderful day this was turning out to be…

There was a knock at the door. "Will yer be wantin' anything fer yer breakfast?" called the innkeeper with his loud voice.

The sailors broke apart and Horatio leaped out of bed, hopping to the door as he struggled to put his breeches back on. He fell over in the process, resounding in a loud thud from him and a peal of laughter from Archie. Horatio got up, threw on a loose shirt, and opened the door.

"Er, yes, please," he said awkwardly, both annoyed and amused at almost being caught in the act of… "Eggs and bacon on toast would be lovely." He sent the innkeeper away with a coin.

Shutting the door, he turned back to Archie. "That was disappointing. Should we try again?"

Archie groaned. There was nothing else he wanted more than Horatio at that moment, but he replied, "I think the breakfast will come before we do."

Horatio looked at Archie, surprised. "You made a joke! I'm so proud of you." He went over and kissed him. "Maybe after breakfast then," he said with a promising grin.

They helped each other to dress, and this time they were decent when the innkeeper knocked.

* * *

The day was very well spent indeed. They had had to get up at some point, so as not to rouse anyone's suspicions, but they had made wonderful use of that room. As they lay in bed that night, clothes strewn all over the room, a handkerchief stuffed in the keyhole, they held each other close and spoke of love. Neither was experienced in the feeling, but they knew enough to decide that that was what this was. They murmured in each other's ears in between kisses, making small actions that were very valuable.

At one point, Horatio stopped and held Archie's hand, running his thumb over the knuckles. "This is going to sound ridiculous," he warned, his voice low, "but…" He hesitated.

"But?" Archie prompted, gazing at him.

"I wish I could marry you."

Archie's heart skipped a beat. "You're right," he laughed, "it does sound ridiculous." He laughed, but only because it would never happen, not because it was a terrible idea.

Horatio sighed. "I knew you would laugh at me."

"No," Archie argued, "it's not that. I wish that I could marry you too, it's just that it will never be possible."

"I know." Horatio's face was sad and his brow was creased. They could never be together in that way, and he knew it.

"Hey, Horatio." Archie touched the other man's cheek, then moved his fingers to his own lips before touching them to Horatio's. It was a kiss, of sorts. "I still love you, even if you sometimes come up with the most absurd ideas. You, Horatio Hornblower, are the love of my life. Nothing could change that."

Horatio had to smile.

* * *

As Horatio stood outside the church, his own words came back to haunt him. _I wish I could marry you. _Now, as he was about to marry Maria, he felt like a traitor. He was betraying Archie and the memory of him, and for what? A girl he did not even love. He was settling on her, he knew, because he could not have Archie.

Even if Archie had lived, there had never been any hope for them. They had had to be discreet, because whoever wrote the Law did not know how _right_ it was, what they had done. He was not ashamed. He had done nothing wrong, except in the eyes of the Law, the goddamned stupid Law. He had never felt dirty, or guilty for what they had done. Their feelings for each other had not been a sin, in his eyes.

But it was not his eyes that mattered. He could never have been with Archie in the way they had been meant to. In another life, another world, another time, perhaps they would have had some hope. But in this one there was none. There never had been.

So here he was, about to marry Maria, but instead of thinking about her, he was remembering Archie. Archie Kennedy, who had said, _"You, Horatio Hornblower, are the love of my life."_

Horatio should have wept. He should have wept for what he had lost, and for what he had to settle with instead. He should have wept over what should have been but never could have been.

Instead, he called on Archie's memory to help him through the ceremony. It might have felt like a betrayal if he had been in a different state of mind, but now he took strength from it.

And as he made his vows, he could have almost sworn that he heard a whisper from Archie himself. _You, Horatio Hornblower, are the love of my life. Nothing could change that._


End file.
